The Legion, otherwise known as Keeping the voices at bay....

23:33

Had a long chat with my step-dad's wife this afternoon. She told me that my step-dad has Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. In other words, he's dying.

He refuses to quit smoking. Told her that he was going to die anyway and he'd rather die happy. They've got him on three different meds, one of them is a steroid. I knew something was wrong. My step-mom has mentioned several times about Dad being sick, but I thought it was usual things. Like he had pneumonia over the winter. I figured it had to do with that or maybe his heart again. She never really said much else. She said she didn't want me to worry.

I know she was trying to protect me from this, but I'm glad I know. I'm so scared. I don't want him to die. I know it sounds illogical, but he's not supposed to die. He's supposed to live forever.

At least, that's how it feels. He's always been such a strong man. I can't imagine him dying. Oh, there have been scares before, with his heart. But I never worried he might die. Heart disease isn't that scary when you live with it every day like we did. Besides, they've made such great strides in that field. But this scares the hell out of me.

I read up on it while I was chatting with my step-mom. There's not that much they can really do about it. Oh there are therapies and treatments, but there's not much hope. Especially if you don't quit smoking.

I feel like someone just told me the world was going to end. My step-dad is the one of those people who always makes you feel that you're important. Even though he's not a very demonstrative person, I always knew that he loved me. Granted he doesn't say it much, but he shows it in a lot of little ways.

I can't imagine what life is going to be like without him. I feel silly for saying that. His wife said the exact same thing to me only a few hours ago. When I found out that my grandpa died, it was a very rough blow. It was like someone reached in and pulled out a piece of my heart. It feels a lot like that now too.